


Second Spring

by Crux01



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 17:11:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5425151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crux01/pseuds/Crux01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all the suffering.......</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Spring

"A broken heart knows no second spring,  
Resigned we must be while were parting."  
Trad: Loch Lomond 

 

The watery weak sun shone from a bleak sky promising more snow. Carrie eased the car up the treacherous roadway through a battalion of tall, snow capped fir trees standing at perfect attention. The main roads had been clear but since she had turned off into the forest the car had slipped and slid over the icy lanes. A tractor of some sort had obviously cut a path since the last storm a couple of days before but further nightly frosts and flurries had rutted the road so badly that the steering wheel jumped like a jackhammer in Carrie's white knuckled hands. She breathed deep and forced herself to continue slithering on until the trees fell back in to a clearing.

Carrie pulled alongside the silver Audi that was parked in front of the picturesque homely cabin. The car was only just recognisable below the cloak of virgin snow and had obviously not been moved for some time. Gingerly she opened her car door, her boots made crunching noises on the frosty surface as she moved up the snow-cleared steps to tap on the wooden door frame, carefully avoiding the icy water that dripped from the melt above.

Astrid, drained and tired, opened the door with a muttered but genial, "Hi." She indicated for Carrie to enter the cabin.

"Wow," Carrie said as she walked in, amazed by the sheer luxury that she found behind the seemingly mundane wooden exterior of the building. "I have a cabin back home, but it's nothing like this."

Astrid snorted. "We Germans all have a fairy tale home in the woods," she said sardonically.

Carrie glanced past the other woman, saw the luxurious leather suite, the roaring fire in the grate, the intricately carved wooden furniture and the understated art works on the walls. She felt like she had walked into a story book, everything was just so perfect.

"Can I get you a coffee?" Astrid asked. "You've had a long journey."

Carrie smiled stiffly, feeling awkward. "Please, the weather's not great for road trips." She followed the other woman into the kitchen area and instantly stepped from fairy tale to hi tech chic. The kitchen was starkly colourless, black and white and filled with every sort of technological aid possible. It had the clinical efficiency of an operating room.

Astrid raised her eyebrows as Carrie took in the spotless, stark beauty. "Fairy tales only get you so far," she murmured dryly while pouring a coffee from the top-of-the-range coffee maker which was filling the whole space with a delicious aroma and passed the cup to Carrie.

"Indeed," Carrie agreed. The coffee was as delicious as its scent foretold and Carrie took a long, slow sip, feeling its roasted warmth meander through her body. She forced the caffeine- induced soothing thoughts away and took a deep breath. "Is he here?"

Astrid held her own cup and sipped slowly before replying. "Where else would he be?"

Carrie couldn't tell if the edge of triumph she sensed in Astrid's tone was only her own imagination playing on her insecurity. She decided to ignore it and press on, "Can I see him?"

Astrid looked away out of the window and watched intently as a blackbird, its chest puffed out against the cold, landed beside Carrie's car and began to industriously peck away at the salt browning the tyre trims. 

"Why did he run?" Carrie pressed, stopping herself from finishing the sentence with the word 'again'.

Astrid let out a long, studied breath and turned back. "You know Peter," she said cryptically.

"That's just it. I obviously don't. I thought he wanted me to..... I thought I could......." She stopped as frustration threatened to take hold. 

Astrid smiled sadly. "We all think that. We all want to do what's best for him, but in the end he will do what he wants." She shrugged. "I have given up trying to understand. He will do what he will do."

"But..."

Astrid shook her head. "You don't get a 'but'. You either accept it or you get the hell out of his life. He won't change, he won't give; even now after all this shit, he'll smile his little sad smile and carry on regardless."

"I need to talk to him."

"Of course you do." Astrid indicated through to the back of the cabin. "He's out back." As Carrie placed her cup on the sparkling worktop and turned to go Astrid took a step towards her and lay a gentle hand on her arm. "Don't blame yourself for this Carrie," she said, her eyes flashing sympathetically. 

Carrie nodded her appreciation and then made her way through the dwelling to the large window at the back. She stopped and looked at the dark solitary figure sitting on one of the wooden chairs, wrapped in a colourful plaid blanket. Then taking a deep breath she slid the door open and went out into the cold air.

The smell of wood smoke and fir cones and the sound of a gaggle of Canadian geese on the wing high above but honking loudly as they gossiped like old women with no sense of decorum, hit her senses. In front of her the yard, slumbering under a white snowy shroud, sloped down to the lake, now covered with a silver sheen of sheer ice. There was a boathouse she could make out through the trees and nearer on the edge of the deck, a hot tub, covered but the snow around it had been disturbed enough to see it had been used recently.

She moved closer to where Quinn snoozed, enveloped against the cold in his blanket, all she could see was his face, pale, as if carved from the most perfect porcelain. She stopped, her eyes running over those sharp, familiar features. It was the face of an angel and she felt a knot in her stomach tighten as she gazed upon it once more.

And then his eyes flicked open, cobalt blue icing the alabaster beauty of his face. Carrie realised he had been awake all along as he coolly said, "Hi". His voice sounded raw and rough as if underused.

"Hey," she responded, sitting down on the chair beside his. His breathing rattled in his chest and she sensed the irritatingly gentle shake of his nerves humming through his body. She remembered how he had once been so very still, so in control of himself that he was able to exert his will outwards on to the rest of the world. And she remembered what he had suffered to get to this place, what he had lost on the way. She saw him now as he was broken and vulnerable in all the places he had once been strong.

It was hard not to feel guilty.

He was still looking out to the lake, had not turned his head to look at her and his voice, still low was weaker than she had heard before. "I thought you would come."

She gulped. "I had to see you."

He nodded sadly, still no conscious movement, he sat immobile as a man afraid that his own body would betray him, and sure enough the shaking continued.

Carrie cleared her throat. "I've decided I'm going back to the States. There's nothing left for me here. I want to take Franny back home."

"What about your lawyer friend?" Carrie tried to hear bitterness or even jealousy in his tone but there was none, it was stripped down to the bare words only: he had no strength to add anything else.

She felt her jaw began to wobble, took a deep breath and shook her head. "He couldn't deal with the baggage I bring," she sniffed. "Few people can!"

She saw the muscle flinch at his jaw as he turned slowly to look at her. "It's not your fault, Carrie." His eyes bore into her with a sudden hot intensity. "None of it."

She sniffed again. "Then why won't you.....?" She couldn't find the strength to finish the sentence.

He looked as if he was about to say something but stopped, bit his lip nervously and looked away. He had always lived in the silences, in the cracks of conversations but now she saw his solitude was the armour he used to protect the little of him that still survived. He would not give it up, not even for her.

Finally he said almost too softly for her to hear. "We missed each other and now it's too late."

His eyes came back to hers. They each held the gaze for a long time, held in the overwhelming sadness of the moment, both souls lost in what might have been, both desperate for the relief the other could bring and both tragically believing that they were not good enough for the other. Quinn's hand twitched and Carrie leaned towards him in an agony of wanting but he did not move and she stopped; the chance was lost.

She stood up, suddenly frozen by the chill of rejection she shivered. "I will miss you always." She desperately tried to hold on to her control but could feel it slipping away from her grasp. She knew she could stay no longer.

And then she turned on her heel and was gone, retreating through the house and back to her car like a soft spring breeze released too early into the cold winter air. She gunned the motor and did not look back.

Through the kitchen window, Astrid watched her go and then went out to the porch. "What did you say to her?" she asked.

Quinn gulped. His pallor was even paler than before, his eyes dark and unreadable. He raised a shaking hand to his face and rubbed neurotically. "The truth," he said finally, his voice weak and lifeless. 

Astrid snorted ruefully. "Today's truth is tomorrow's fiction. Now come on, it's too cold out here. How will you ever get better shivering your ass off? And you will get better Peter Quinn. I will not allow you to give up, not when you have so much to live for."

 

Carrie swore again. How the fuck was she supposed to find anything is this store if they continually moved the items around the aisles? The breakfast cereals were here last time she came, she was sure of it, so why the fuck was she standing looking at fresh ground coffee jars? And why in hell did she have a shopping cart that appeared designed specifically to go in the opposite direction to the one she was going in?

She heard a crash behind her and turned in disbelief as a panicked Franny, a specific can from the bottom layer held high in triumph, ran towards her, fleeing the falling pile of baked beans tins she had created. For a few seconds there was complete mayhem as cans fell and rolled noisily about the floor and the whole store seemed to be screaming accusingly at Carrie! 

Fuck! Why was this so hard? Working as an analyst at Langley, bringing up a feisty (some would say out of control) yet adorable child, on her own, trying to build a new network of friends. Why was it more difficult than all the terrorist plots she had foiled in her past? She had been at it for almost fifteen months now, why wasn't it getting any easier?

She continued to ponder the thought as she beat a hasty retreat through the parking lot, after apologising profusely to all and sundry and sheepishly paying for the groceries she had managed to find; the rest on her list would have to wait for another day.... toast was an equally good breakfast, surely! 

Franny was walking sulkily at her side, having been severely reprimanded for the bean can stunt and being refused any candy, her face echoed her mother's feelings; complete despair. They should be happy. What were they missing?

The horn of a car sounded incredibly close to Carrie, causing her to jump out of her reverie. She turned around. "Asshole!" she shouted at the driver who was pulling the sleek top-down sports car along side her, driving slowly as if about to engage in an argument.

Carrie was ready to let rip with even more obscenities as the frustration of it all came rushing uncontrollably forwards but she stopped as recognition hit her with a flash. The man driving the car; spiky black hair, cheekbones sharp and chiselled, eyes as blue as the cloudless spring sky above. "Quinn?" she gasped.

"You want to get out of here?" he beamed.

So many reasons why this was a bad idea rushed into Carrie's head as she stood and stared at this apparently fit, healthy and beautiful man before her. And she ignored each and every one because Carrie had finally realised what she was missing.......


End file.
